Friday, September 22, 2006

Lesson 6: Sleep With Him. Just Don’t Sleep Over. Not Until You’re Ready.

Of all my relationship memories, the ones that stand out the most have little to do with sex, vacations, events, pizza or “real” life for that matter. The images that are firmly imprinted in my mind I have no photographs of. They’ve never been described in an entertaining story told to friends or journal entries for myself. Yet, the connections associated with bedtime and sleeping next to someone—spooning, snoring, sheet-stealing, puppy breath and all—have stayed with me longer than the length of the relationships.

I’ve always believed that your sleeping (subconscious) relationship mirrors your conscious relationship. Sleep is where all your “stuff” about yourself, and in effect your relationship, surfaces, i.e., intimacy issues, blah blah… But I also believe that sleep is where your subconscious can triumph over the conscious mind, and allow your “real” self and needs to expose themselves. It’s like when someone with sleep issues finally sleeps soundly next to a new partner.

Of course, this clearly explains the fear of “sleeping over” in a new relationship. Fear which can sometimes translate to courage as seen in my friend, Frank’s case. After the dirty deed, he would very politely ask his new partner to sleep on the couch. The mensch could never actually ask her to leave.

Many years ago I was dating Pierre, a Frenchman. After dating a little while, he finally acquiesced to the "sleep over". In our first few months sleeping next to each other, he refused to have any part of his body come into contact with mine. I remember living in fear that I would accidently graze his ankle with my foot in the middle if the night and he would scream in horror, waking the neighbors who would call the cops. I knew our relationship had progressed once his body was wrapped around mine as we fell asleep. He was finally vulnerable to me. Yet he remained the prick with intimacy issues in real life. But at least in bed, he belonged to me. Not sure if that was great, but a consolation prize I valued. I guess we spend so much of our lives sleeping that if we are cherished for that part of it, that’s a lot. Isn’t it?

Actually I find the whole sleeping together thing quite heartbreaking. For a very long time, I thought that spending the night together after sex, the most intimate of acts, was a normal, mandatory thing. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that “the spending the night together” part was actually a million times more intimate. So I eventually stopped spending the night and asked people to leave. I finally knew what it was like to be a dude.

It hasn’t occurred to me until recently that the hardest part of my breakups have been leaving the sleep relationships. In bed with a partner, I never felt lonely. The rituals were natural and always comforting. I enjoyed someone stealing my pillows, sleeping on someone else’s wrist, breathing my sweet puppy breath on someone, keeping someone up with insipid chatter…

So now I have a sleep partner I adore. When he’s sweaty, I push him over. When I pull his arm, he spoons me. When I ask him to sing me to sleep, he tells me he knows no songs and I sing the Star Spangled Banner. There’s a whole system worked out, which for me is a microcosm of our relationship.

Sleep is intimate stuff. My advice: Don’t jump into it until you’re good and ready.

I’m quoting a doctor in a recent NY Times article: “Even though we may take sleeping with our partner for granted, it’s through these kinds of shared social systems that we build and nurture our relationships, and perhaps uncover the underlying meaning of our lives.”

6 Comments:

At 5:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it! I quested into sleeping over with a current boyfriend on the hottest night and I remember he wasn't at all bothered by this hotness. My ex would barely break a sweat and we'd have to stop until he cooled down. Freakin men!

 
At 5:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhhh I love the bed sharing. Nothing like waking up all sleepy to see your love sleeping next to you.
And slowly welcoming the early sun rays while being held in their arms.
I especially love, late at night after...... when my bf tickeles and kisses my back as I fall asleep.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger JewishShiksa said...

love your blog, going to put it as a link on my blog

 
At 11:00 AM, Anonymous Gabrielle said...

I loved your thoughts on this. I was wondering how special sleeping over would be to men. I recently had a guy I'm dating (and that I'm totally into) stay over in my home after a wonderful day together. Since it was the first time we slept together, I was wondering if he would hug me during sleep. He did. He cuddled and spooned and in the morning couldn't take his arms off me. We woke up to see each other's sleepy faces and say good morning with the sun's rays entering the window. I keep wondering if it was as special to him as to me. Now with your comments, I think it is. =)

 
At 12:51 AM, Blogger Lisa Delgado said...

Body Language Signs and Seduction Techniques. How To Kiss A Girl Without Getting Your Face Slapped.


Have you ever wondered if there is a secret signal to let you know if she wants to be kissed? The answer is "Yes!" By learning how to read body language signals you will be able to tell when she is ready for a sexy kiss. Learn how to kiss a girl when she is ready, for the ultimate in seduction technique.

There are many varied body language signs that a sexually interested woman will display. Many of the initial gestures are quite subtle. However, once a flirting female becomes more interested the signals become more obvious. Learning how to read body la nguage is pretty simple at this point, when you know what body language signs to look for.

Generally speaking, the more sexually aroused the person, the more playing with the mouth and lips there will be. Licking of the lips is a subconscious body language sign of all humans when faced with an object of desire. Playing suggestively with straws, cigarettes, food and fingers are all excellent body language signs of a seriously flirting woman. The more aroused she becomes, the more sensitive and the more aware, she is becoming of her lips. The more engorged her lips become, the more pleasant the sensation of playing with her own mouth will become.

Licking her lips is an indicator that a sexy kiss is probably not unwelcome. Licking her fingers, and playing with spoons and food suggestively are all strong sexual body language signs. Your seduction technique will be vastly improved when you know to look for these gestures. Learning how to kiss a girl is all about timing. The longer you make her wait, the more welcome a sexy kiss will be.

How to read body language is simplified when you realize that eating, drinking and smoking at a faster rate are performed by those with erotic thoughts.

One of the last body language signs that she is ready for a sexy kiss is when she starts moving her head in closer to yours. This is pretty close to an open invitation for you to kiss her. Once the flirting female tilts her head towards yours in a kissing position, you are now pretty safe in assuming you can kiss her.

Your seduction technique for a first sexy kiss should be a gentle light brush across the lips. You should leave the girl wanting more. Do not overwhelm her initially or she may change her mind. If she should start to pull away or clench her mouth, you have gone too fast, and you should stop.

A successful seduction technique involves knowing how to read body language. You will be rewarded with a sexy kiss when you read her body language signs. Timing is everything in how to kiss a girl.

Read More.........

 
At 12:51 AM, Blogger Lisa Delgado said...

Body Language Signs and Seduction Techniques. How To Kiss A Girl Without Getting Your Face Slapped.


Have you ever wondered if there is a secret signal to let you know if she wants to be kissed? The answer is "Yes!" By learning how to read body language signals you will be able to tell when she is ready for a sexy kiss. Learn how to kiss a girl when she is ready, for the ultimate in seduction technique.

There are many varied body language signs that a sexually interested woman will display. Many of the initial gestures are quite subtle. However, once a flirting female becomes more interested the signals become more obvious. Learning how to read body la nguage is pretty simple at this point, when you know what body language signs to look for.

Generally speaking, the more sexually aroused the person, the more playing with the mouth and lips there will be. Licking of the lips is a subconscious body language sign of all humans when faced with an object of desire. Playing suggestively with straws, cigarettes, food and fingers are all excellent body language signs of a seriously flirting woman. The more aroused she becomes, the more sensitive and the more aware, she is becoming of her lips. The more engorged her lips become, the more pleasant the sensation of playing with her own mouth will become.

Licking her lips is an indicator that a sexy kiss is probably not unwelcome. Licking her fingers, and playing with spoons and food suggestively are all strong sexual body language signs. Your seduction technique will be vastly improved when you know to look for these gestures. Learning how to kiss a girl is all about timing. The longer you make her wait, the more welcome a sexy kiss will be.

How to read body language is simplified when you realize that eating, drinking and smoking at a faster rate are performed by those with erotic thoughts.

One of the last body language signs that she is ready for a sexy kiss is when she starts moving her head in closer to yours. This is pretty close to an open invitation for you to kiss her. Once the flirting female tilts her head towards yours in a kissing position, you are now pretty safe in assuming you can kiss her.

Your seduction technique for a first sexy kiss should be a gentle light brush across the lips. You should leave the girl wanting more. Do not overwhelm her initially or she may change her mind. If she should start to pull away or clench her mouth, you have gone too fast, and you should stop.

A successful seduction technique involves knowing how to read body language. You will be rewarded with a sexy kiss when you read her body language signs. Timing is everything in how to kiss a girl.

Read More.........

 

Post a Comment

<< Home