Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Lesson 2: Go ahead. Fart. Snort. Blow milk out of your nose.

I think it was my friend, Todd, who once said that if a guy is smitten, you could do no wrong. I can’t remember the context of his words of wisdom, but I imagine I was about to go on a fourth or fifth date and I forgot to shave my armpit hairs or something else inconsequential. Whatever the case, Todd was right. I knew from personal experience.

When I was in college, I was totally in love with the cute, red-headed boy who lived in the dorm room above mine. He lived in a den of body odor (not to mention war-torn Lebanon) and for some odd reason, it never even bothered me. Me, Miss I-can-smell-a-fart-from 20-miles-away. Damn, HE WAS SMELLY! Like taxi cab driver in August with no A/C smelly. And I still let him kiss me, for like 3 months.

There are too many other stories I can’t relive here. So allow me to borrow some embarrassing stories from generous people near and dear to me.

For years, my friend, Harold, said he would only date very thin women who lived below 14th Street in Manhattan. Not soon after that statement, Harold was not only dating, but living with a fatty from 56th Street. She was such a bitch I don’t even feel bad about calling her a fatty.

My friend, Jeannie, was seriously dating a man who refused to make a weekend date. For 6 MONTHS. He was always going out of town “on business.” Um, okay. I think she broke up with him and then he asked her out again for a Wednesday night. And she accepted!

“Love is blindness,” or rather, infatuation makes you spineless. It’s not something we can help; it just is. We are. Nothing to be proud of. Just reality. And you may as well take advantage of it.

I’m not saying that you should go out and cheat on your boyfriend. Or go out and gain forty pounds. I’m just saying that if she likes you, you don’t need to sweat every little accessory choice, stray nose hair or occasional boil. Chances are, she’ll find it “cute.”

7 Comments:

At 11:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta admit that the nose hairs do bother me. A lot. On my boyfriend of 6 months. I'm trying to figure out a nice way to tell him to take care of it. (He has no problem telling me that he prefers it if I've shaved my legs within 12 hours of the date--even 24 hours is too stubbly for him--and that he likes it when I polish my toenails, which I do infrequently at best.)

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger la_conde said...

I can fall out of smit in a heartbeat if i see/hear something nasty. But i am not a man. anyhoo - what do you think about the fade away? I hate it. haven't yet heard a decent explanation for it. this seems to be a good forum to explore the topic. what say you?

 
At 3:06 PM, Blogger momo said...

to anonymous, just tell him straight-up. judging from his comments to you, he sounds vain enough that he wouldn't want visible nose hairs if he could help it. besides, you've gotta create a little balance in your relationship there. if he won't hear it, then you've got an issues bigger than long nose hairs. good luck.

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger momo said...

cindye, sounds like you haven't been REALLY smitten yet. or is there some sort of protective thing going on? i bet there's one dude in your life that can do no wrong.
ahh--the fade-away. that's a good one. maybe next time.

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Hi everyone,

I just designed a new dating website that I hope you will enjoy. It will go live in about 2 months.

Meet-n-speak.com

I put a new twist to online dating--the ability to speak to other members--right from your own computer.

If you find someone you like, you can request to voice chat with them if they are online.


All you need is a mic and headphones.

There is no cost. Ever! 100% free.

check it out!

Again, I am going live in 2 months but I want to have members create their profiles beforehand.

Have fun!

Thanks!

 
At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I try my best to keep thinking positive but I don’t think there are any decent single sites out there? I have been looking for activities that don’t cost an arm and a leg? I have been searching the web and I’ve been on several sites looking for local events. The only one I was able to find is http://www.singlesinmotion.com does anyone know of any other?

 
At 3:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like relationship where people are allowed to do as they please. They can scream, lift up their legs and generally feel good.

 

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